From the Annals of Research

...as noted by Pootergeek:

Red Hot Chilli Consumption Is Harmful in Patients Operated for Anal Fissure - A Randomized, Double-Blind, Controlled Study

Of course, any smart arse could have told us that.

...and this from Chris Dillow at Stumbling and Mumbling (though cited in the process of making a more serious point):

why ugly people are more likely to be criminals

While you lot take a good long look in the mirror, I'm off to study my navel.